The art of choosing

 There’s something indescribably sweet about someone being curious about you: someone who wants to know every little detail, even the ones you think are insignificant. Like why you always choose this café over that one. What is your go to place. The story behind that tiny scar on your hand. Or your take on something as simple as a bogenvillea.

To be loved is to be known. To love, in return, is to invite someone into your little world. It’s a choice, no matter how challenging. It’s giving endless chances, being patient even when it’s the 100th time. Love is like caring for something fragile yet unfamiliar; filled with newness, requiring constant learning and unlearning.

I’ve seen love in small habits. My grandpa working through sudokus with a pencil, never a pen. My grandma turning on the radio while cooking. Something my mother does too. Her calendar filled with everyday notes: when the gas cylinder was installed, when the milkman missed a visit. My dad sneaking a piece of dark chocolate after dinner or insisting pizza tastes better when shared with me. My brother preferring old Hindi songs over other songs on his guitar. My friend cherishing the vintage car his grandpa gave him, one we once had a poster of as kids. Or how another friend avoids tight ponytails because they give her headaches.

If you’ve ever seen someone in their raw, unguarded moments; their little joys, worries, fears or vulnerabilities, you’ll know how impossible it becomes not to care. It’s why we sometimes empathize with villains in movies. Their humanity, layered into quiet details and soft flaws.

Real intimacy lies in knowing why someone shifts the seat on a train ride. Why they go silent when upset. Why they can’t fall asleep before an important day. It’s spotting the fidgeting of their leg or the way their tone changes when they’re overwhelmed.

For the longest time, I thought ‘love at first sight’ the kind they romanticize in Hindi movies exists in the real world. The lightning bolt. Fate or whatever they call it. But I’ve come to believe fate isn’t all that poetic. Fate feels passive; love, on the other hand, is an active choice. It’s knowing someone’s quirks, fears, and imperfections and still choosing them, over and over again. Falling in love is easy; staying in love is the real work. To reach that depth, though, you have to let people in. That’s the hard part. Being vulnerable. Letting someone open the closet where all your mess is stored. Sharing the things that make you insecure, scared, or odd. And trusting they won’t use it to hurt you. It’s a risk! a leap of faith that they’ll see the chaos and still think, “Yes. It is alright. I am here and will be.”

Love doesn’t demand perfection; it asks for surrender (in a positive sense!). To believe that the embarrassing, scared, messy or boring parts of you are still worthy of care. That what you think is unbearable, they’ll see as endearing. That you are enough! There’s nothing more beautiful than that.

Maybe a crush is just a lack of information, a thrilling but terrifying limbo. Because the more you learn, the more things evolve or dissolve. Like data analysis, the deeper you dig, the more flaws you uncover but also the more potential you see for something meaningful.

People have a way of weaving themselves into our lives. Their obsessions become part of our awareness. Their habits sneak into our routines. You notice a song they were humming and find yourself listening to it on a loop. You pick up Paneer at the store, even though you’d never buy it for yourself, just because they mentioned craving it.

Love shifts your focus. You start to see the world through their lens, and even if they’re no longer part of your life, the imprint remains. Like knowing they’d adore a postcard made of handmade paper. Or a pair of sneakers with a car logo. Or an article on Urdu poetry.

Sometimes, love is frustrating. It’s messy. It’s wanting to walk away sometimes, but always finding your way back. It’s being curious about who they are today while treasuring who they’ve been. It’s trusting that even when things feel chaotic, they still want to know you and you, them.

This reminded me of you. I saved the white one for you because I know it’s your favorite. Did you sleep well? How’s your mind today? I brought us coffee; hazelnut and less sugar for you, of course. :)

Comments

  1. SunshineJanuary 16, 2025 at 11:10 PM

    This made my heart warm. Like someone wrote down what I've been trying to put into words for so many years now.
    Love shifts your focus. You start to see the world through their lens, and even if they’re no longer part of your life, the imprint remains. - An astonishingly brilliant way to look at it. I can relate to this in a million ways.
    Thanks for writing this.

    ReplyDelete

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