Bakuɭ

This all started with a hospital visit a few weeks ago. I was unwell and far from my hometown. My local friends were out of town, and I had to go to the clinic by myself. We hear glorified narratives about doing things alone, enjoying our own company. I like my alone time, too. But those independent stories fall short when you are sick. It was an eye issue, so I could not even cry, which felt very ironic. I was terrified, but I kept making up reasons for my fear. I told myself I was afraid of the physical pain. I worried the doctor might judge me. But I was just in denial. The simple truth was that I did not want to be alone. I got better, but the thought stayed with me. Loneliness is usually very quiet. You can be lonely for days and feel fine as you go through your routine. But realizing it is a sudden hit. It happens in perfectly ordinary moments. It is cooking dinner and there’s no one to share the experience of how amazing the food smells or tastes. It is finishing a great movie o...

I was working on my friend’s birthday surprise with his sibling and I realized something. I rarely call the people I love by their actual names. I had to use his actual name so much while talking to his sibling, and it made me pause and try to remember the last time I actually called him by his official name. I’ve given people so many different nicknames over the years. Much like a list in Python, this collection is highly mutable. If you scroll through my phone, you won't find formal first and last names. Instead, you'll find a bunch of inside jokes. You will find words that make absolutely zero sense to anyone outside the tiny universe I share with that specific person. Of course, formal names are saved formally! (Why would I give a nickname to the family doctor or a distant relative?) And obviously, we all have nicknames for the people we dislike (again, a distant relative, an annoying acquaintance, etc.). You wouldn't necessarily save those in your phone, but you carry...