I Know I Can Do It All, But I Don't Want To
This all started with a hospital visit a few weeks ago. I was unwell and far from my hometown. My local friends were out of town, and I had to go to the clinic by myself. We hear glorified narratives about doing things alone, enjoying our own company. I like my alone time, too. But those independent stories fall short when you are sick. It was an eye issue, so I could not even cry, which felt very ironic. I was terrified, but I kept making up reasons for my fear. I told myself I was afraid of the physical pain. I worried the doctor might judge me. But I was just in denial. The simple truth was that I did not want to be alone. I got better, but the thought stayed with me. Loneliness is usually very quiet. You can be lonely for days and feel fine as you go through your routine. But realizing it is a sudden hit. It happens in perfectly ordinary moments. It is cooking dinner and there’s no one to share the experience of how amazing the food smells or tastes. It is finishing a great movie o...