The Friendship Personality

I was reading a blog by Weike Wang about  The Trouble with Friends. It brought me back to this quiet draft in my notes I’d been returning to, editing whenever I felt so. Reading her words pushed me to finally share mine. 

Friendship has always been the most important thing in my life. Maybe even more than romantic love, honestly. Friendship feels foundational. Rooted. It has a depth, a warmth, a steadiness. It has so much to offer.

Often, we have seen videos about types of friends. the caregiver, the chaotic one, the Google friend, the financer, etc. We shift through roles with time, people, and phases, but I think each of us has a core friendship personality. Mine has always been the therapist friend. The one people run to when they need to vent, seek a neutral space, or simply fall apart for a minute. 

I’ve always had very few friends. Not because I don’t like people, I just rarely feel truly at ease with most. Growing up, my brother was my best friend (even if it wasn’t mutual). Almost every childhood memory has him in it. Classic younger sibling behaviour! You borrow their world, their space. Their friends are your friends by default. Back then, I didn’t even know what acquaintance meant. But later, I made a few friends too. Over time, I realised: I hold on fiercely. Whenever I loosened my hold, the friendship slipped. They say by your mid-20s and 30s, most friendships prove temporary and only a few stay. Maybe forever is just a moment that feels like forever.

Coming back to the type of friends. The caregiver friend often gets called 'the mother' of the group. Sometimes, I am called that by my friends. It’s funny how caring is seen as uncool and is often mocked. As if warmth is weakness and detachment is aspirational. The idea of cool is so fragile. May be subjective, too. Our experiences, environment and personalities shape our version of cool-ness. Caring for someone who isn’t obligated to you? That’s strength.

I make handmade gifts. Once, a friend felt guilty because he couldn’t reciprocate in the same way. But love isn’t supposed to be symmetrical. My love sits in paper and glue and time. Some people love through presence, some through effort, some through craft. Reciprocation is personal and unique.

They say we outgrow people. Of-course, it hurts to be outgrown more than it does to outgrow. It feels like heartbreak. Maybe we never really let go; maybe we just find something else to hold. Still, the ache remains because friendship holds so many memories, perspectives, transformations.

I remember when a close friend randomly told me about her fiancé. Someone who was just a friend yesterday until he wasn't. I was genuinely happy for her but I also knew things would shift. No more spontaneous calls, random memes, stupid conversations that meant everything. Communication becomes scheduled, belonging becomes thinner and yet, the love stays. Sometimes we dislike who our friends choose not because of the person but because we feel replaced. Call it insecurity, grief, or just truth. No villains. Just life. Not a bollywood drama. 

Sometimes you return to old friends and realise you don’t fit in the same puzzle anymore. Nostalgia warms you, but you can’t sit inside it forever. You crave new memories too, not just replays. When I moved to a new city and changed, some old friends reacted like I must have someone new shaping me. As if we can only evolve in someone else’s light but not our own. Growth doesn’t always come with romance; sometimes it comes from solitude.

Wang wrote that true friends can call out your bullshit and still hold you. I believe that! But my version has softness. A true friend, to me, is someone you can be honest with, no matter how hard the truth feels. Someone who helps first, then points out what you couldn’t see. Someone who can sit with you in silence because not every ache or joy fits into language. Someone who can read between the lines. Sometimes, it needs to be sensed.

We speak often about friends who show up in hard times. Very few talk about how difficult it is to show up, fully and joyfully, in someone’s good times. Grief gathers sympathy. Success tests hearts. A real friend celebrates your happiness like it's their own. Without comparison, without envy, without shrinking inside. Yes, there are complaints and demands and expectations too. The bollywood effect of friendship has definitely influenced our concept of friendship. The complaints, demands, expectations all make us human. All reflect our personalities as well. If you have someone like this, hold them gently. If you are someone like this, I hope the world holds you gently too.

If you haven’t found a friend like this yet, I hope you do, truly!